Why YOU may be Responsible for Your Spouse Being a Nag (& IN THIS MOMENT Concert!)

Posted by on September 9, 2012 in Getting Personal | 1 comment

A little known fact about me:

I’m going to die in a car crash off a bridge.

Okay, that’s a bit extreme. It probably won’t happen, but I’m terrified of it. I’ve had nightmares about it since I was a kid. I get panic attacks every time we drive over a bridge. The bigger the bridge, the worse the anxiety. I get mad when people drive too fast, especially on those curving overpasses, and if there are multiple lanes on a two way bridge, I like to be in the middle so I’m not near the edge.

This will be relevant later. What I’m really blogging about today was my awesome trip to see IN THIS MOMENT at the State Theater last night! Sure, the event was a little tainted (get to that in a bit) but it was still great overall.

A little preface to this event: I LOVE concerts. I DON’T like sitting around drinking and doing nothing. So when husband and I decided to go to this concert, and invite his friend/drinking-buddy to join us, I asked him if we were JUST going to the concert because I really want to go but I don’t want it to turn into sitting around in a bad drinking until 2 in the morning after that. He was annoyed by my asking and said it wouldn’t.

Being annoying as I am, I kept going on about it, explaining why I didn’t want to do that and why it wasn’t fun for me, and that if he was drinking at the concert that’s fine but when he starts drinking he just wants to keep going and going and going and I am not going to be drinking and  I don’t want to sit arond after the concert while they are drinking.

By this point, he is both annoyed and irritated. But there is a reason why I hammer on about things to make a point. We’ll get to that in a bit.

Then I was asking him if we would be staying at a hotel, since he would be drinking at the concert. And this made him even more infuriated with me. And then I was explaining that it’s a long drive and he’s going to be drinking and that I DON’T CARE if we stay in a hotel or if he drinks at the concert, I just want to know what to expect. He basically argues with me about nagging him until finally I annoy him enough to get him to tell me he’s just having a few beers and obviously he’s not going to drive around drunk, we’re not going to the concert to drink, like he already told me, etc. I’m trying to explain to him

So that was me shutting up after that, because his final word was basically: No one is getting drunk. We won’t be sitting around in a bar afterward. We’re going straight home.

As for the concert: We arrive there a little early, despite leaving a little late. Reason being that I wanted to do my hair and make up before we went, and I has TRIED to get my hair done the night before but my dear husband didn’t want to take me until the day OF the concert and the hair place was packed and well, yeah, next time, listen to me and take me the night before. Kay? But so it worked out in the end and we got their early. So the men wanted to go to FUBAR (it’s a bar) and drink some beer before the concert. Of course. But as there was nothing else to do I wasn’t going to be an ass just because they promised me there would be no sitting around drinking on this little trip, I said sure. I went with them and had a Sprite.

Then we go to the concert, a little late because the bands you want to see never start when the doors open. There was some crappy band there singing through a megaphone into a microphone. Kinda makes ya think some people need to just let the dream die, but whatever. The band was funny and had great stage presence, I’ll give them that. There was one song that the singer really messed up, and then at the end he said, “If you’ve heard our CD, you’ll know I messed up the end of that last song.” Which was funny of him to make light of it, but the truth was, I hadn’t heard is CD and still knew he was messing up.It happens. I don’t envy live performers. I can’t even handle live conversations and don’t want to imagine what it would be like to write my books “live”. So, more power to them.

My husband had his arm around me, which was sweet and made me feel more comfortable with the social situation, but he’s a big guy and the weight of his arm on my shoulders was intensifying my back pain (old injury). He had his beer in one hand and I’m thinking . . . someone is gonna knock into him and I’m going to be wearing that beer. So I told him to be careful not to spill his beer on me and he laughed and said, “Of course I’m not going to.”  I considered nagging him about it, and explaining why I was worried beer would be spilled on me, but I didn’t.

The guy standing in front of us during the concert was wearing a lot of cologne. It was all I could smell until my husband spilled beer on me. Twice. Not that I’m always right, but there IS a reason why I go on and on about things sometimes. It’s called previous experience.

So, IN THIS MOMENT was AMAZING. There were a few times where they had like music interludes for what I imagined (due to the length of time the singer, Maria Brink, was off stage) were for her to undergo costume changes. But 10 minutes would pass, and she would return wearing the same thing, with a different hat. However, I LOVED all the music and it made me realize I need to get the CD (or mp3s), and I really loved her choreography, which was really pretty simple but made the show more interesting. I have to say that Maria Brink really reminded me of Pam from True Blood. Can’t really place why. Something to do with her look combined with the dance moves.

I even took a video for you. You’re welcome :)

Yes, the lyrics are a bit ironic to the content of the post. Unlike this artist, I actually don’t love being lied to. Go figure.

Overall, the concert was great, though all I got was a lousy tee-shirt. My husband did actually have a cute moment when a mosh pit broke out in the last 5 minutes (I guess someone was like “What?! The show’s over?! But no one has moshed yet!) and my husband “protected” me. You know, because I’ve never been to a concert before and don’t know how to push an idiot out of the way if they knock into me. To be honest, I had kind of been looking forward to that. My husband and his friend (let’s call him dickwad), however, think I am so not tough, which is fair, I suppose. I’m no bad ass.

So after the concert, we were supposed to go straight home, right?

What do you think the first thing the men say is?

“Let’s go back to FUBAR.”

“Um, hey, remember we talked about this 100 times before we left. And you were like annoyed I was asking because you SAID you weren’t going to go out drinking anymore and I kept asking to make sure. Well, yeah, this is why I kept asking.”

Those may not have been my exact words. I explain that it’s not fun for me to sit around drinking. I’m not anti drinking, don’t get me wrong, but I could never drink again in my life and be OK with that. And drinking can’t be THE entertainment when I do drink; it can only be what I do WHILE being entertained. My husband is obviously annoyed with me (what’s new) and his friend (dickwad) wants to know what I think is fun. I say, it’s midnight, I want to go to bed. If you guys want to drink, fine, but take me to wallgreens and a hotel first. Well, they don’t want to do this. So, we end up going to drink somewhere there is a show I can watch while they drink. Now, at this point, we’ve all agreed we are staying in a hotel. Because it’s one thing to drive 4 hours home  at midnight, but another to drive 4 hours home at 3 in the morning.

I’d like to stop for a minute here to say: there is a REASON I nag my husband, and that’s because I KNOW HIM. I know what he is going to do. I know he isn’t always going to do what he says he is. So when I try to confirm something with him, I feel like he should understand WHY I need to confirm.

Moving on, we get out of the place at 2, go get something to eat, and at 3am I’m thinking . . . FINALLY we are going to go get a hotel and go to bed. But nope! Dickwad  decides that he wants to drive home now. And my husband is backing him up because we came in his car. That was also the reason I had to go out drinking with them apparently. AND dickwad makes it sound like driving home now FOR ME. Says to my husband that I probably want to get home and sleep in my own bed. Um, no. And if you want to know what I want, ask me, because I’M RIGHT HERE. There’s no need to guess. Then they said that I was the one who wanted to go right home. And I’m like, yeah, AFTER THE CONCERT, at midnight. Not at 3am. I wanted to be in bed by 3am.

But they ignore me.

Also, bear in mind that there are some PERSONAL reasons that I needed to be in bed by12am and why I needed to stop at wallgreens before hand, and they knew what those reasons were, and that basically they could really throw me off by not doing these things.

I’m not saying I have to get my way all the time; what I’m saying is that there is a REASON I wanted to confirm things with them before we went on this trip. If they had told me it would be like this, I would’ve stayed home. (Ironically, if I had stayed home, they would have went to FUBAR ended up staying at a hotel.

To top it off, they drive home was FREEZING but they did nothing to help me feel more comfortable. So I couldn’t sleep in the car. I didn’t get to bed until after the run came up. The only vindication I had in all of this is that at one point they pulled over to stretch their legs (ie: pee) on the side of the road, and my husband didn’t know he was standing on a fire ant hill and was attacked by fire ants. The only way it could have been better would have been if his friend dickwad had been the one eaten alive by the ants. I did, however, make the point that if we had stayed in a hotel, he wouldn’t have just gotten bitten by fire ants. Maybe next time he’ll back me up.

All in all, though, my message is this. If you don’t want to be nagged by your spouse, stay true to your word. Imagine how bad I’ll be nagging my husband the next time he invites me a trip somewhere. I probably won’t go. And he’ll probably be mad at ME about it, and we’ll probably argue, but you know what? EVERY time this happens, I’m right and he’s wrong. I know what he is going to do better than he does, and THAT is why I nag him. That’s why I ask him things that he thinks I “don’t need to be asking”. Truth is, the only reason I don’t need to be asking them is because the response will be meaningless.

Bottom line: Meaningless responses and empty promises create nags.

The resolution: Do what you say you are going to do and eventually your wife/husband won’t need to keep checking with you if you are really going to do what you said you would. Experience would tell them yes, instead of no, so there’d be no need for questions or reminders.

At the end of the day, you can’t change other people. My husband can’t get me to stop nagging unless he changes himself, and I can’t get him to change himself. That’s up to him. What I CAN do is not put myself in situations like I did last night by not going with him when I know they will break their promises. It makes my husband irritated that I think this, but experience hasn’t steered  me wrong yet.

* * *

Rebecca Hamilton is a USA Today bestselling Paranormal Fantasy author. Her bestselling Forever Girl Series is available at online retailers and has been optioned for film with Witten Pictures. The Hungarian edition has been published with IPC books and the German edition has been published with Darkiss, a Harlequin imprint.

1 Comment

  1. Oh, yeah. Been there. It’s maddening and disrespectful. Never again.

    On a similar note, I would also like to add that SOME people sometimes condition the response. For example, if he promises to do something at a certain time, then keeps putting it off and only winds up doing it once you get angry. . .After a while, you’re more likely to just skip the nice and go right to angry.

    And before anyone gets offended, this goes BOTH ways. Women can be just as bad as men when it comes to not keeping their word or conditioning a response.

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